I want you to know that I have been there and I understand how you feel.
When the person that is supposed to be safest and closest to you betrays you nothing feels normal. Many times women find themselves in a precarious position because they love their spouse, so it can be tempting to isolate or withdraw because of all the devastating pain and emotions that follow betrayal. I want to know that “there is life after your worst day”. It may be tempting to isolate or withdraw because of the pain, so let me remind you that you are not alone in this. I personally have experienced betrayal and have created a clear path for you; so let’s talk some specifics that you need right now to help you on this healing journey.
- Go to the Undone Redone podcast and check out episode #14 where we talk about what to do when you find out about your spouse’s sexual sin. This will be some helpful information for you in the next few days and you walk through some of the enormous emotions you are facing. (here are some additional episodes that I have picked specifically for your situation to help you gain some sense of safety and validate what you are feeling right now)
- UR 14: 5 Things Every Woman Should Know After Discovering Spouse’s Sexual Sin -Tray and Melody Lovvorn
- UR 24: There Is Life After Your Worst Day — Shelley Hendrix and Rebecca Halton
- UR 25: Understanding Sex Addiction — Becky Whitson, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist
- UR 36: Surviving Infidelity — Brian and Jenni Clayville
- UR 39: Rebuilding Trust — Adam Calvert (Certified Sex Addiction Therapist)
- UR 40: Healthy Sexuality — Melea Stephens (Licensed Marriage & Family Therapist)
- UR 68: Life Beyond Betrayal — Melody Lovvorn
- Join the Life Beyond Betrayal 30-day online course. This labor of love is the collective wisdom and understanding that I have gleaned from my personal experience as well as walking with hundreds of other women through betrayal for the past seven years. This comprehensive program will give you access to daily audio content, worksheets and homework that you can download, music, videos, instruction and numerous resources that will help you know exactly what to do next. Let me remind you that you cannot be responsible for the decisions of another person. Your responsibility is to heal from this betrayal so it does not take you under. Bottom line…you will not be alone on this journey. There is an online community of women that are walking in your shoes to offer hope and encouragement for you by opting into this program.
- Confide in a spiritual leader that is safe and not shaming. I cover this in episode #14 of the podcast also, so hopefully it will help you as you choose who to share your story with. I also cover this on day Day 11 & 12 in Life Beyond Betrayal so that you can get specifics on safe people and safety in general before sharing the details of your story. Sexual betrayal & sexual addiction are very messy and there is not a quick fix formula. We usually refer to this recovery journey as, “this is a marathon, not a sprint”. There are three things that feed sexual addiction; silence, shame and isolation. When we can show up and share our story, it has a way of dissipating some of the shame and lies that follow betrayal. Sharing our story with a spiritual leader will remind you that you are not alone whether you are experiencing a betrayal from your spouse’s struggle with pornography or an infidelity.
- A good counselor or recovery coach can help you dive into your personal story and uncover any additional places that are in need of healing. We cannot overlook the impact of emotional pain in our lives after betrayal, so it is necessary that you find a counselor or recovery coach that understands the trauma model which will be critical to your healing. http://www.undoneredone.com/coaching
- Having a recovery community offline for partners impacted by the devastation of betrayal can provide a safe place to process emotions within gospel community allows healing and freedom. This environment allows for women to connect in their pain and at weakness, rediscover the love and grace of the Father after a difficult life experience, and begin to see real change take place in a very shameful and fragile part of their life. Many women are suffering in silence within the church and recovery groups can be a transformational environment to walk through the trauma and work through all the emotions to move on to the next chapters in your life. You can find recovery groups here or if your church is interested in starting a group they can click the following link, or contact us.